Don't wear the Nike gear if it ain't kosher airport security say you is wearing the wrong number

Don't wear fake Adidas trainers, tops and trackies at Manchester Airport. Please throw your knock off Reeboks and sports socks in the Albert Docks. Lacoste, Fred Perry and Burberry you bought off the market, don't try to impress with these at Liverpool Airport.

Chavs, pikeys, mingers, posh twats and flash gits your game is up thanks to the see all airport traps. Airport security, after a few extra quid bung, have downloaded apps from the "Famous Labels Security Incorporated" into their scanner monitor stations at Liverpool, Manchester and Newcastle airports. If you walk through the new scanners wearing fake gear, the app flashes "Fake Designer Gear" and plays the Z Cars theme so everyone knows that you are             a div. 

Shouts of, "cheap shite", "moron" and "stupid dickhead" usually follow.

So, don't wear the gear, you will be scanned no fear, the embarrasment of discovery may reduce you to tears.

Jewellery, watch and bling bimbos beware the app also detects cheap green deposits on your skin.